


Remember Me

by RosieBarnes



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s Bucky Barnes, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Present-Day Bucky Barnes, Present-Day Steve Rogers, Reader-Insert, depressed reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 21:58:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13257441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosieBarnes/pseuds/RosieBarnes
Summary: Unbeknownst to the world, James Buchanan Barnes had a wife before the war. A war nurse called to duty before he enlisted, captured with others by Hydra and is given experimental super serums. When she is finally rescued and goes back to America, she comes home to an empty apartment with Bucky and Steve both gone. With extraordinary healing, she goes into hiding. 70 years later, two familiar faces show back up in her life. The reunion isn’t what she imagined it be.





	Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic, comments are welcomed. Thinking of making this into a chaptered fanfic, what do you think?

Bucky’s eyes followed Y/N as she walked around the room checking if everything was ready for her departure tonight. Already dressed in her nurse uniform, she is ready to help those fighting for the country. Bucky, not so much. When she looks back at Bucky sitting on the couch, Bucky is looking up at her with his big blue eyes and a somber look on his face. When she reaches to touch the side of his face, he immediately gets up and wraps his arms around her tight, burying his face into her neck. She can hear that he’s sniffing her perfume, probably trying to remember it. Mmm, gardenias.

“Do you have to go?”

“There are men fighting for this country being taken apart and they need nurses to heal them.” She says.

“Ya know, they’re bringing nurses closer and closer to the front line, ya sure ya ready for that doll?”

With a determined look Y/N says, “As sure as ever.”

Bucky shakes his head, but smiles, “Always been a little crazy.”

She smiles at him and declares “Who else is gonna take care of Stevie when I’m gone?”

“Stevie can take care of himself!”, Steve shouts from behind Bucky on the couch,”besides, I’m jealous of ya Y/N, you’re gonna be fighting the war that they won’t let me.”

She peeks behind Bucky and says “Well who else is gonna take care of the dames while all the other men are away Stevie?” she winks at him. He looks down and blushes. Bucky gives him a small smirk and look back at Y/N.

“You come back to me, okay, you come back.” His face as serious as she has ever seen.

“Till the end of the line.” Stealing what she hears Steve and Bucky say all the time.

\--------------------------------------------

Later the night; Steve and Bucky watch as the ship disappears into the night. Steve looks up at Bucky and says “You’re gonna enlist aren’t you?”

“Damn right.”

\-------------------------------------------

The next couple of years Y/N will relive in her nightmares for the rest of her eternal life. All the blood, all the deafening sounds, all the lives lost at her own hands. But, worse of all, the capture of her and the other nurses in her unit by Hydra. Strapped to metal tables being injected with some kind of blue liquid. She saw her fellow nurses die beside her until she was the only one left. She would make herself zone out to block out the pain of the torture they were putting her through. With this she did not realize that although they were hurting her, she was healing at a superhuman rate.

One faithful night, an explosion could be heard outside the room.   
“This is the end.” Y/N thought and she was okay with that if it meant an end to all of this.

As men burst into the room with American uniforms, she would be lying if she said she wasn’t relieved. The men carried her out and they made their way to camp.

“How much more of this war we gotta fight?” She asks weakly from where she is laying down in the truck.

One the soldiers smiles down at her and says, “Haven’t you heard miss? The wars over, we’re going home.”

Y/N can’t help cry tears of joy at the thought of seeing her two boys soon enough.

But as soon as she gets home, something was wrong. She picked up a brown box on her doorstep and opened the door. It looked like no one had been there in years.

“This isn’t right.” She said to herself.

When she remembered the box that was left in front of her house, she took a better look at it and saw it was from the U.S. government.

Tears were already streaming down her face and she shook her head and muttered “No, no, no.”

As she opened the box, two uniforms were folded neatly on top of each other with a file of top stating James Buchanan Barnes and Steven Grant Rogers were MIA. She immediately fell to the ground with these overwhelming thoughts. She didn’t even know that her boys had enlisted to fight the war, and the Stevie looking back at her in the picture didn’t look like the Stevie she left behind. Sobs filled the room as she came to the realization that she was alone.

Years went by, Y/N tried to date others, but the dog tags she wore under her dress weighed heavy on her heart. One of the only meaningful things she had left of them. She didn’t even have a wedding ring because of how poor they were. Years went by when she came across her wedding picture. Tears started to blur her vision and her nose was already running. Oh how badly she wished they were both here by her side today, how badly she wished that she could be as happy was she was in the picture. Something caught her eye. She ran up to a mirror and compared herself to the picture. She hadn’t aged a day.

It had almost been 10 years since her and Bucky gotten married, they gotten married so young, they were just kids, she had gone to war and back and not a single wrinkle on her face to show that.

She started to breathe heavily, then tried to calm herself down. She tried to bring up memories of her imprisonment that she was burying down. She started to remember the serum and the torture. Then also started to remember how the pain did not last as long as she thought.

She grabbed a knife from the kitchen and went to the bathroom. She looked herself in the mirror and turned to the side and proceeded to slice her arm. It hurt, but just seconds after the wound started to close itself. She could not believe her eyes. She must have sliced herself 50 times before she stopped. She threw the knife across the room once she realized what this meant. As far as she knows, she’s going to live forever.

No one could know this. She packed up her things and bought the first bus ticket shown. She didn’t know where she was going and she didn’t care. She didn’t have any family, any husband, any friends, no one was going to miss her and that was what made this so much easier.

She was working as a nurse for a small Midwestern town no one has heard of. One day she noticed a tall woman following her around. She didn’t look like she was from the town and Y/N had never seen her before. All day Y/N tried her best to lose this woman. Just as she got home to her quaint little house after she thought she lost this mysterious woman, a light turned on in her house and the woman was standing just a few feet in front of her.

“Please don’t be alarmed,” an English accent escaped from her lips, “I’m not here to hurt you, I’m here to recruit you.” Y/N gave her a perplexed look.

“My name is Peggy Carter, and I know about your special abilities and would like to recruit you for this agency I started called S.H.I.E.L.D..”

That’s how Y/N became a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and one of the best she might add. But it was Y/N’s deal to be an agent for S.H.I.E.L.D., to be kept in the shadows. Just a select few would know about Y/N and even less would know about her super healing. She arranged with Peggy that her death be faked for public records. Peggy was confused by this, but argued it was for the best, no one would notice anyway. The people at S.H.I.E.L.D. were the closest thing she had to family. Until they all got families of their own. She was forgotten again. The pain was too much. She worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. as long as she could, but all the fighting and the missions were taking a toll on her even if she had infinite healing. She notified Peggy that she would be retiring. Peggy started to protest, but Y/N argued that she was not happy, and in truth she never was going to be. But she had no choice, but to live. Peggy didn’t put up a fight anymore and told her if she needed anything, anything, that she would be a phone call away.

Y/N traveled the country, the world. A different name each place, a new look every year. She wasn’t traceable and that is how she liked it. She made sure to update Peggy as often as she could.

More years had passed, she was in the 21st century, just a few years from being a century herself. She was currently in Norway looking up at the Northern Lights. One of the few times in her life, she felt at peace. Like she wasn’t running from something, like she hadn’t left so many people behind, that if she was going to live forever, she was going to be okay.

She decided she needed some sun, so she headed back the U.S., previous passport, I.D.’s, documents burned before she left her hotel and a new identity in her back pocket.

It was fascinating to see the change in the America over the years. Now in an age of technology, everything digital around her. But call her old fashioned, she just could not keep up with all the new tech. A book in one hand and a latte in the other and jazz in her ears as she listened on headphones to a new album she had just downloaded on this iPod device she had just bought. It was a good day, until she saw everyone gathered in front of the T.V. in the café. They were making too much noise and ruining her mood. She packed up her stuff and grabbed her latte and started to head out. But when she passed the T.V., the sight made her drop her cup. Tears in her eyes and her hand covered her shocked mouth and she saw her Stevie fighting on screen. Bigger than what she remembered, but she couldn’t forget that face. That was her Stevie. But she couldn’t accept it. Her need to run away was stronger than ever. So she did. But this time she was running back home. Brooklyn.

It had changed drastically in the 60 some years she was last here, but it still felt like home. She got an apartment and immediately boarded herself up. How badly she wanted to see Stevie with her own eyes, but she couldn’t do that to him. She’s heard the stories, gone to the museums, read the comics, Captain America was a hero. She was some scraggly figure from his past. But without realizing it, she started to prepare a potential meeting with Mr. America himself. She dyed her hair back to the original color, bought clothes that fit the century and finally changed her name back to Y/N Barnes.

A couple years had gone by and she still couldn’t bring herself to meet him face to face. She still kept tabs on him though. Printing every article, watching every video and recording any news reports on him. She was proud of little Stevie.

One-day news sites were filled with reports of how the current S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury had been assassinated by the “Winter Soldier”. She couldn’t believe her eyes. The Winter Soldier was real. She used to tell new recruits about the Winter Soldier to scare them. He was just a bedtime story. Not anymore, she guessed.

All week she kept herself updated on the fight. When she came across a video that made her heart stop. A huge fight had broken out on the street, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, and Sam Wilson against the Winter Soldier. The video had been taken by a civilian hiding on the side of the street. It wasn’t the best, but she could see without a doubt, the unmasked Winter Soldier was her late husband James Buchanan Barnes.

Her lungs constricted, her eyes watered, and her hands shook as she saw her husband on screen. From what she could see in the video, Steve had the same reaction.

She screamed “NO!” at her phone screen as something exploded near Barnes and he disappeared. She dropped to her knees as she clutched her phone to her chest, right on top of Bucky and Steve’s dog tags she had kept all these years. She sobbed harder as it felt like she missed her chance to see her husband again. She must have watched the video hundreds of times. For just a glimpse of his face. But then she didn’t need to watch that video anymore as his face was plastered everywhere. “Captain America’s Best Friend Turned Hydra Villain” was everywhere she looked. Old pictures, new pictures surfaced. Some with her in them, but fortunately no one knew who she was.

So many times she would dress in her old S.H.I.E.L.D. combat suit and had every intention of finding Stevie and helping him find Bucky, but she chickened out hundreds of times. A couple more years have passed, S.H.I.E.L.D. had been disbanded as it was harboring Hydra in it the entire time, which she 100% saw that coming after they hired that Zola guy. Which is why she had her files burned after she left S.H.I.E.L.D.. Things were so much easier when everything was paper.

Y/N still kept tabs on every Captain America story that got released. She couldn’t help herself, at this point she was kind of a fan. Y/N also got in contact with Howard and Maria’s son and was surprised when he knew exactly who she was. Said something about how she was in his father’s special encrypted files. Dammit Howard. He obviously knew how to bypass all the security measures and got right to learning everything about her. Luckily he didn’t know about her past with Steve and Bucky. She was in talks with him of how get herself back into the game. She knew about the little fight he and Cap had, but decided not to bring it up. It took a lot of convincing on his part and a lot resisting on her part. But it was time, she was ready.

With the help of Tony, she was on her way to Wakanda. She had known the now king, then prince T’Challa since he was a boy. She was part of a team of nurses that were sent to help Wakanda after a natural disaster had hit then, sworn to secrecy about the hidden country. She had good word that both Steve and Bucky were hiding there.

Walking down the halls of his palace with the king himself she was always amazed by the beauty of the architecture. While walking down the hallway another pair of footsteps had joined us. She could see two huge figures making their way down the hall opposite of her and T’Challa. This was it. The moment she only dreamed of. She was finally going to be reunited with her boys.

She was about 10 feet in front of them when everyone stopped. Steve and Bucky finally got a good look to see who was with the king. She saw Steve’s eyes light up with recognition. A small smile couldn’t help emerge from her face. But Bucky’s eyes told a different story. Intrigued but not the same look Steve was giving.

“Ah Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, looks like she will be joined by another Barnes. This is Nurse Barnes, I have known her since I was a little boy, and she will be staying with us to help us fight this unworldly villain that has seemed to surface.” T’Challa stated.

As she looked at Steve to see tears were starting to form in his eyes while looking right at her and she couldn’t stop that it was happening to her as well. But Bucky just looked confused at the whole interaction.

T’Challa continued, “I was actually hoping she would be Mr. Barnes personal nurse while we are not fighting as he has just come out of cryogenic stasis and may need some medical help.”

“Yes, yes of course.” She said not really paying attention, but staring at the men in front of her. T’Challa knew about her whole history, he was someone she could trust, so he knew how important this meeting was to her.  
“How about I leave you three alone, to acquaint yourselves with each other.” He said with a small smile and brings his guards with him.

Steve is the first to move, with two giant hands on her cheeks bringing herself close to his face to see for himself.

“Is that really you?” Steve said with disbelief.

“Yeah, Stevie, it’s really me. Look at you, looks like you finally hit your growth spurt.” She both laugh.

“Even with this super serum running through my veins I still got this scar of my side from trying to save she getting beat up by the punk who felt me up on the street.” Y/N says tearful as she lifts up her shirt to show him the scar. He takes a look for himself and hugs her off the ground of spins her in the air. A cough from the side makes she guys stop.

This is it. The moment.

Steve sets her on the ground and she turns so she is facing Bucky. She takes in how he looks now 70 years since she last saw him. Longer hair, lines around his face that weren’t before, but still the same piercing blue eyes she fell in love with. The biggest addition, his metal arm. She can see some deep scars near the collar of his shirt and her heart clenches as she wishes she could have been there to help get through his torturous time at Hydra.

They both just stare at each before he raises his hand and says

“Hi, my names Bucky, nice to meet you.”

She pulls back her head in disbelief, her jaw drops and she can’t find her voice. He doesn’t remember who she is.

Bucky stands there awkwardly as he puts his hand down, obvious she isn’t going to shake it as she stands there in disbelief. She starts breathing heavily as it sets in that all this time she has been waiting to meet him, all the years she imagined this moment, the man that meant the most to her, doesn’t even recognize her.

Somewhere behind her Stevie says, “Buck, are you serious?”

She isn’t listening any more, she doesn’t want to start crying in front of him. She makes up some bullshit excuse that she needed to call someone to let them know she landed safely. She ran away from both them, aimlessly trying to find somewhere to collect her thoughts. She finds a random hallway that isn’t too lit up and throws herself against the wall and just starts sobbing. Harder than when she found out Bucky was dead, harder than when she found out he was alive. It felt like she couldn’t breathe, she feels like she’s about to pass out. She spends several minutes there trying to calm herself down to be presentable again.

Little did she know, Bucky had followed her and was silently listening to her just around the corner. He stood there for a few minutes before quietly walking away not wanting to be caught. His heart clenched the farther he walked, not knowing why he did not want to leave her alone and wanting to comfort her even though they had just met.

Later that night she was looking out a ceiling to floor window watching the night sky. Back during the war, she used to look up and wonder if her and Bucky were looking at the same collection of stars.

She heard faint footsteps and looked to her right. She was surprised to see Bucky standing there in a shirt and some sweatpants. She turned back looking at the sky, trying to keep a neutral face, willing the tears down to stay at bay.

As Bucky walks closer he tries to start a conversation. Softly, he says,

“Couldn’t sleep, huh?” he chuckles after.

“Must be the time zone difference.” She says quite curtly.

“I couldn’t really sleep either.” Bucky says as he walks closer to her.

“Try a little lavender oil under the nose, it helps me.” She says not looking away from the window.

He nods, “You found my secret place.” She looks at him questioningly.

“This palace is huge, but there is one place that has the best view of stars, and you’re standing in it.” He points to her feet.

“Sorry, I’ll go back to my room,” she starts to say and turns to walk.

“No!” he says quite suddenly and it startles her a little bit.

“Sorry,” he says timidly “I wasn’t telling she to leave, I just, um, it doesn’t mean two people can’t be here.” He stumbles over his words as she stares at him. She silently nods and turns back toward the window.

It is silent for the next few minutes as they both stare at the stars. She tries not to dwell on the fact that she is standing next to her dead husband. She takes her eyes off the stars for a quick second to glance at Bucky and she see him stealing a few glances at her. Then she stares at him blatantly as he looks beautiful being illuminated by the moon. The next time he steals a glance he is surprised to see her are already staring at him. She sees him swallow before he asks,

“Umm, I didn’t get your name earlier, you kind of ran off earlier.” He avoids eye contact as he remembers following her and listening to her cry.

“Y/N.” she says simply.

“Beautiful name.”, he says turning to look at her again. She gives him a small smile and his heart warms at the sight of it. He then remembers that he wanted to ask her something,

“Oh, I was wondering if we were related somehow, you know, how we both have the last name and such.”

Her throat closes as he asks her the question, for the moments before she actually kind of forgot that he had no recollection of her at all. She turned back and looked at the stars, trying to calm down. Bucky sees her jaw clench and begins to wonder if he said anything wrong.

“No,” her voiced strained, “it was my late husband’s last name.”

“Oh.” He says softly. He catches the outline of the dog tags under her shirt.

“I hope he died a great man.” Bucky says not really knowing what to say.

She looks at him and try not to cry, looking at his eyes is quite hard, so she opts for his metal arm. Without thinking she grasps his bicep. He moves it away from her, she looks up back at him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he explains, “the arm is new and I’m still trying to get used it, it can be very strong.” He says shying away a little bit.

“It’s okay,” she says, Bucky looks perplexed, she continues “I was experimented on by Hydra when I was younger, it gave me regenerative properties.” She proceeds to pull out a knife from an ankle holster and cuts her hand. Right before their eyes her hand is healed with no mark.

She takes the same hand and returns it to its previous place on Bucky’s arm. He looks at her with shock in his face, but he doesn’t move, he’s entranced. Her hand moves along his metal arm, feeling the detailed work that went into it. She stops at the hand and grasps gently before letting go. Bucky longs for her touch again, he doesn’t remember the last time he was touched so tenderly. That touch so familiar, but he just can’t seem to remember it. When he looks at her, her arms are crossed over her chest looking at him too.

“I’m sorry you had to go through what you went through, you didn’t deserve any of it and shouldn’t be blamed for the actions you were made to do. I hope you know it will get better, with time. You have people around she who are willing to help, God knows I wish I had that when I was younger, just don’t give up James.” She says with a flat tone, little does he know if she were to open the bridges she would be on her knees, bringing him down with her sobbing apologies in his ear that she wasn’t there with him this whole time.

He’s speechless. Before he can think of anything to say, she turns and start to head back to her room. Bucky is left with his mind reeling looking up at the stars.

\---------------------------------------

The next morning Steve and Bucky are trying to figure T’Challa’s computer system in the palace trying to find information on Y/N.

“Buck, Wakanda has the most advanced technology in the world, and I still have a flip phone, which I am being told is very out of date.” Steve says both he and Bucky sit in front of multiple monitors just trying to log in.

“We can figure this out Stevie, just believe in us.” Bucky has a look of determination as he tries to figure out this complicated situation. He presses one last button and says,

“I think I figured it out Stevie.” Bucky says proud of himself.

“You just turned it on Bucky.” Steve says deadpanned.

“Oh, I give up.” Bucky says defeated.

“Voice recognized. James Buchanan Barnes. Access granted.” An automated female voice fills the room and all the screens turn on.

Bucky gives a smug look to Stevie,

“Told you.” Bucky says. Steve rolls his eyes.

“Give me any information you have on Y/N Barnes.” Bucky commands the computer.

Stevie sits up, “Wait, that’s what were here for.”

He starts to panic on what Bucky might discover. Steve doesn’t think he’s ready for the truth.

“This is all the information there is on Y/N Barnes.” The computer states.

Not much pulls up on the screen. Just a few documents saying the she lives in Brooklyn and is school nurse in Queens.

“Oh look, she lives is Brooklyn.” Bucky tells Steve, but he’s too busy on trying to think of a way to destroy all the computers in the room.

“That’s so weird, T’Challa mentioned she was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, shouldn’t that pop up.” Bucky inquires to himself as Steve is looking for plugs to unplug.

“Damn wireless.” Steve mutters to himself.

“What.” “Nothing.” Bucky and Steve go back and forth.

“This computer has to have face recognition.”

Bucky demands to search for pictures with her face and the results are overwhelming. Very quickly he figures out that she haw been alive a very long time. Steve cannot do anything but stand back and watch as Bucky is surrounded by pictures of her. Her school pictures pop up, pictures in her nurses uniform from WWII pop up, security camera footage of her all over world spanning over the century pop up. But front and center is the most important picture of all. The one that has Bucky out of his seat to get a closer look at it. The one that is having Steve trying to come up with an explanation, but then figuring out it is best if he just lets Bucky process all of this. It is their wedding picture. She in a simple white dress, and Bucky in his dad’s old suit and Steve right next to him with the biggest smile on his face looking at the both of you. What Bucky can’t believe is how happy he looks, how happy she looks. He didn’t think it was possible. What kills him the most is that he can’t remember any of it. He looks back at Steve, but he won’t look him in the eye. He makes his way out of the room and isn’t seen for the rest of the day. Steve isn’t worried, he can’t go far. So he spends the day with Y/N to catch up on the 70 years you guys have missed. He purposefully leaves out Bucky’s revelation that happened earlier that morning.

For the next few days, Bucky tries to work up the courage to talk to Y/N. But instead he hides in the shadows where he’s most comfortable. He watches her. He watches her cook, he watches her read, he watches her listen to music as she softly glides around the room. He just cannot believe the fact, that a woman like that is married to a man like him. He isn’t really sure if they are considered married still as he’s not really the same man he was when he was born and she was pronounced dead in ’53, but he sure hopes that they still are. Even if he can’t remember her and he tries so hard to, he wants to make it work somehow. 

He is currently watching her read a book from T’Challa’s library. Sitting is a huge chair that almost swallows her up, she is sitting in it sideways so her legs dangle off the arm of the chair. He loves how cute she looks, knowing she probably has enough training to rip someone’s head off with her bare hands.

“If you want to talk to me, you can just approach me. I don’t bite, but I do stab. Hard.” Y/N says from her spot in the chair as Bucky looks away shamefully that he not only has been caught, but she has known about all the other times. He comes out of his hiding spot and sits in the matching chair positioned next to Y/N. He takes in a couple deeps breaths before speaking, but Y/N beats him to it.

“You know about our past don’t you?” She says to him as she puts the book down and is now sitting up and looking at him.

Bucky isn’t good with words, so he just nods.

“Stevie told me what happened,” she looks away and says, “I actually kind of wish you did.”

He swallows, but is still trying to figure out what to say.

When she looks back at him there are tears in her eyes. Bucky wants to reach out and wipe them away but he doesn’t know if he has the right to.

“It’s okay James. That you don’t remember me. It was stupid of me to have such high expectations. I don’t know why I even thought that we would somehow meet again. Somewhere is my heart I knew it was going to happen one day. What kind of fucked up world do we live where we’re both pronounced dead and decades later we find each other and we’ve barely aged. Somewhere in my twisted mind, it’s fate. That were both in this situation and we’ve found each other and now we get to live happily ever after. But that’s not what happened is it? No, you get brainwashed to the point where you don’t remember your own wife and I am going to have to live literally forever in my personal hell where no matter what I do I just won’t die!”

Bucky doesn’t want to think of the implications of that sentence.

“Don’t feel bad,” Y/N starts, “All of this is on me. You don’t have to worry about me or our past, and it doesn’t matter because you don’t remember it anyway.” She can’t help but sound bitter, she needs to get this all out now.

Bucky finally finds his voice.

“It doesn’t matter, none of it matters!” Bucky sounds panicked as he’s afraid Y/N has already made up her mind about not wanting to be with him.

“What flowers did you used to buy for me? What did my perfume smell like? What food do I hate, but always ate when you made it?” Y/N says through the tears and Bucky comes up blank, he can’t answer her.

“Those things matter to me Bucky! They matter!”, her voice cracks, “Our past matters, it’s what made use fall in love, why we belong together. If you can’t remember any of it, there’s no point to us. I don’t want you to fall in love with the me now, she’s a fraction of what I used to be and she doesn’t deserve your love.”

She’s made up her mind.

As Bucky tries to hold back his tears, he says, “Everyone deserved to be loved.”

Y/N just shakes her head and leaves the room and leaves Bucky alone. Neither of them sleep well that night.

\-------------------------------------------  
Y/N wakes up the next morning, her eyes puffing and throat dry from all the crying. It is way past breakfast and she knows everyone is already awake doing their own things. So she will be all alone in the kitchen, how she wants to be.

She makes her way into the kitchen and gets her breakfast started. She is about to spoon eggs onto a plate when she sees a pair of legs in her periphery vision. When she looks up, she sees that Bucky standing at the end of the counter, just a few feet away from her. It looks like he hasn’t slept at all. He’s holding a journal and avoiding eye contact with her. He opens the journal and lets out a shaky breath.

“I used to get you roses from our downstairs neighbor Ms. Patt, she gave me the one that were too ugly to sell, but you loved them because they had character. You used to put them in your hair and try to get a complement out of Stevie every time, but he didn’t want to talk up a married woman.” Bucky states without looking up at the journal at all, his hands shake as he holds it up to read. Dammit, you’re crying again.

“Your perfume used to smell like gardenias and you hated green beans, but always finished your plate when I made them.” He closes the journal and finally looks up at her, he’s crying too.

“I thought I didn’t have memories of you, but I was wrong. I had dreams. I used to dream about you all the time. It’s what got me through the war, when I fell off the train, when Hydra captured me. Everything. When they put me on ice, I used to dream about you and our life before all of this. It was the only time I was at peace. And I hated, I hated, when they woke me up because they were taking my time away from you. Your face was always a bit blurry in my dreams, but I made the connection and figured out it was you.”

She cries and cries and very slowly makes her way closer to him.

Bucky looks down at his feet, his voice still shaky,

“I’m starting to remember things little by little, but I want to let you know I’m in no means the same man I was or will I ever be.”

She tries to get him to look at her, “Neither am I Bucky.”

He starts again,

“But that doesn’t mean we cannot be together, because it would be my honor to learn how to love you all over again.”

And when he finally looks up, she’s right there and she wraps her arms around his neck to hug him and never lets go. He does the same to her middle. He turns his head a little to smell her neck. Gardenias.


End file.
